


Moon Material

by DarcyFarrow



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Playing Cupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 12:00:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21445873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarcyFarrow/pseuds/DarcyFarrow
Summary: Howard and Vince play matchmaker for each other.  They're looking in the wrong place.
Relationships: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	Moon Material

"All right then, fork it over." Diva wiggled her fingers impatiently until, with a lingering look of longing, Vince bade his red fedora goodbye and forked it over. Setting it atop her sleek dark coiffure, she spun to admire her acquisition in one of the shop's antique mirrors.   
  
"It looks better like this." Vince tilted the hat so that its brim dipped jauntily over her right eye.  
  
"You're right." She blew a kiss at her reflection.  
  
"'Course I am." He stepped back and folded his arms in what appeared to be a judgmental posture but, in truth, was a self-hug. He would mourn the fedora's loss for days (or more specifically, until payday, when he could make an emergency shopping trip). 

"Thanks, Vince." Diva flicked her fingers smartly against the brim. "It was almost worth it." She raised a warning finger. "No. Before you ask: no. There's nothing you have in your closet that would make me suffer through another night with your sleep-inducing flatmate."   
  
Despite the risk of producing a forehead wrinkle, Vince frowned.   
  
"He is the most boring human being I ever met. Kept yammering on about the history of pencils. Can you believe it?"  
  
"Howard Moon is a man of in-depth historical knowledge." Vince gritted his teeth.  
  
"Yeah and when I told him I'd had quite enough of that historical knowledge, he started on about some geezer called Charlie Dingus." Diva feigned a huge yawn.  
  
"_Mingus_," Vince snapped. "One of the greatest jazz composers of all time. Double bass and piano."  
  
Diva leaned in so she could yawn directly into Vince's face. "Don't call me again, Vince." She flounced out, leaving the shop door wide open to permit a gust of winter air to sweep in, riffling the paper products on display in Stationery Village. Vince rushed over to straighten the legal pads. This disorder wouldn't do, wouldn't do at all, sir.  
\--------------  
"I know I said I hadn't had a date in almost a year." Mandy Moon seized her cousin by the cinnamon rollneck and dragged him behind the encyclopedias and almanacs. "I know I said he looked cute. But Howard, do not, I repeat, do not attempt to set me up with Vince Noir ever, ever again. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
"But Mandy, what could you possibly see wrong with him? Vince is sweet--"  
  
"Should be sweet: he stuffed himself with Flying Saucers and Jelly Bellies all night."  
  
"He's kind--"  
  
"Kind of embarrassing, you mean."  
  
"Funny--"  
  
"If you're a six-year-old."  
  
"A witty conversationalist--"  
  
"I do not call a two-hour discourse on the timelessness of drainpipes to be wit." Mandy sighed and patted Howard's arm. "Listen, Howard, I realize he must have his good qualities or you wouldn't have stuck by him all these years, but he's just not for me, okay? He's just not. . . Moon material. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for a lecture on the invention of toenail clippers." Before he could argue, she barreled out of the library.

"'Not Moon material.' Nonsense. She didn't give him a fair trial." He picked up _The Encyclopedia of Nineteenth Century Footwear_ and flipped through its glossy pages, still muttering. "Vince is clever and kind and loyal. Any girl would be lucky to catch his eye. Anyone would be lucky to have him as a paramour." He tucked the book under his arm and fished in his special trousers pocket for his library card. "Anyone would be proud to step out with Mr. Vincent Noir, yes, sir."   
  
That Victorian dandy on page 47 looked rather familiar. Slight frame, jet-black hair, paper-cutter cheekbones, big blue eyes behind a monocle, high-heeled boots. . . .

Anyone would be proud to step out with Mr. Noir, yes sir.  
\---  
"All right, Howard?" Vince flashed that irresistible grin as the shop bell jangled overhead. It was his usual greeting and his usual grin, but there was something different in the way his eyes connected with Howard's that made Howard's rollneck feel all hot and itchy.   
  
"All right, Vince." Howard swallowed, holding onto the eye connection longer than he dared to. "I, ah." He set the encyclopedia on the counter with the cover facing Vince. "Library, ah, looked interesting. Thought you might like a bit of a perusal when I'm finished. If you're not busy."  
  
Vince flipped through a few pages, surprise lighting his features. "This--yeah, looks well interesting. Might give me some inspiration for a new outfit or two. I'll have a peek tomorrow, yeah? I was--tonight--ah, when I was walking past the Everyman this morning--"  
  
"Oh? You were?" Howard wanted to kick himself. What a stupid question. Vince walked past the Everyman every workday, after he bought his morning supply at the sweets shop.   
  
"They're doing a Goddard retro tonight. The poster for _Breathless_ looks kinda cool. I thought--you haven't already seen it, have you?"  
  
"Are you--"  
  
"If you haven't--or if you want to see it again, I thought we could--"  
  
"We could go together."  
  
That answering grin filled the shop with warmth and sunshine. "Genius. But Howard?"  
  
"Yes, Vince?"  
  
"Could it be--not just two geezers hanging out? More like a, you know, date, I mean?"  
  
"It could be that." Howard's tiny eyes twinkled. "I think so. Like a date, yes, sir. But Vince?"

"Yes, Howard?"  
  
"Are you sure you wouldn't rather go to a club instead? French New Wave, it's an acquired taste, really."  
  
"That's all right, Howard. I think I've acquired it. Even if it has a jazz score."


End file.
